The Gospel according to the downright nonsense
that issued from the coalition's tale-spinner from
Hell, the pernicious Prime Minister the Hun John
"No More Hospital/Medical" HogWartChoices MP "If
you vote for Rudd the sky will fall down!"
commemorative address, on the occasion of a most
vile, pig sticking betrayal of trust day, Hilton
Hotel, Saudi Arabia 21 August 2005

It really should be obvious that we will no longer
attempt to help the disabled in my Howardland
dystopia. Just get back to work, and believe that
you will live in fear, because I will do whatever
it takes to prevent loss of my seat. My fellow
Australians, you want a change at the next
election. Well, you can't have it! My regime has
always offered you choice in which "official
story" to believe. You must never forget that it
is not for you to know "state secrets". Where will
it be this time? I wonder how the "terrorists"
will make me look like a national saviour so that
I will stick like excrement to a blanket, and
always slither back into office.

Who do you really trust to treat you with
contempt? And ask yourselves whether you can trust
my opponents to reward the corporations for
monopolistic behaviour?

I am only good for following America into
blood-soaked commercial wars. My goal of a fair
and decent society is a fraud. Deficient in
insight, and by denial of the facts, the
government's pathetic and extremely bungling
economic vision failure, is not just a fluke.
Clearly it is not merely sheer economic good luck
that the thatcherite Howard regime will be
planning to culpably misuse ten billion dollars of
Oz taxpayer money to carefully divert Australia's
water system for my mates, and it is not only
random chance that I suddenly found 1.5 billion
dollars to go towards something that I forgot
about, and that I probably made a big deal about
in the middle of one of my self-congratulating
drones.

To ever claim that Australia has no debt, as I
constantly do, is simply my disguised contempt and
a barefaced lie meant to create dangerous
complacency. If you care to check, you will see
that Australia's largest foreign debt ever is
still growing.

I suppose you can notice that when the nation's
killing machines need more killing tools to misuse
in my blood-soaked military adventure, I assert
that Australia can afford it.

Experience the bleak horror of a huge dose of my
contemptuous disrespect for others, and be
sickened by my political and sociological drivel
plus even more polluted cities.

Ladies and gentlemen and my fellow australians, I
lied. This is actually the true state of affairs,
so I'm happy once again to beg you to accept my
admission of guilt. The corrosive effect of my
lies was hideous. Now, let me drone some flaunting
insolence. Perhaps a little more extremely
derogatory denials, and obscenely girlish
sprightliness. Allow me to remind you that when
all the shares in Telstra are sold we'll be in
Heaven, and the new rules and systems in our
workplace culture, and I hope I did not forget to
tell you about how I will place everything under a
central authority for the corporations.

Increasing numbers of people have noticed that I
am a kind of dull inert force, addicted to droning
some more monumentally disguised contempt, that
somehow has bypassed the development of any
rational, critical faculty as I struggle with
developing a political argument. And my pathetic
long-winded, second-hand policy statements
generated in America make it obvious that I find
it easy to not take any responsibility for my
straw-man arguments.

Stockholders, and shareholders, I have destroyed
your nation, but I had help, and there is even
more good news! By the grace of The Lord, I have
not been blocked by weak concerns with economic
and social well-being. People, I am not one who
would pretend I did not notice, that weaklings are
fond of suggesting that my reforms encourage total
idiocy. Well, I haven't seen that, and I don't
need to. But here is what really matters. This
bold, visionary government has done a terrific
job.

Human resources who live upon this wonderful
Southern Quarry, I have to tell you, that it is a
great thrill to briefly mention what I have
achieved, and the great things to come. The best
government in the history of this nation, makes us
very content to see what we have changed. The
government's unflinching reforms have without any
doubt, created Heaven on Earth. That alone should
be enough, but there is more. This government that
balances justice against profits, has created the
best amount of goodness ever, even though we had
to climb over huge obstacles erected by the truth.
You have wonderfully trusted my secret plan. I
praise the Struggle Street battlers who supported
me.

A wonderful sign of our success, has been a warm
public embrace of our Government's ten billion
dollar plan to meet the serious challenge of
choosing which of our friends should receive a
full ten billion dollars of public money. So by
taking the correct approach to these fundamental
problems, my Government has whipped-up a sleazy
scheme that will deliver a windfall to the banks.
It will not work, of course, unless I can get the
mugs to carry the financial burdens of adjustment,
and I appeal for the full cooperation of my sleazy
corporate colleagues.

Last year I spoke at length about reforming the
balance in public life and public policy, which
has been balanced, and a balanced hallmark of the
achievement of the balanced Howard Government, and
to consider the most balanced and profitable ideas
about the need to balance the balanced needs of
the homeless against corporate profits in a
balanced way, so that balance is not replaced by
an unbalance toward justice.

I am fond of saying, honestly, Iraq continues to
work on developing nuclear weapons. Ladies and
gentlemen, I have noticed that bludging disabled
pensioners often level the charge that my reforms
will create dystopian slums, but truth is
absolute, truth is supreme, so I repudiate the
suggestion that our government fits the
description of "some trash leading the mass". And
no, I haven't seen what is really meant by that.
Here is a savage rebuke to all of those laughable
malingering disabled bludgers. You may disagree
with the poor getting very much poorer, but the
banks are backing me, and you voted for me!

It has been most heartening to realize that the
thoroughly wrong-headed set of weak tendencies
whereby the workforce once functioned, has now
been bombed-flat like Iraq as an example of
compassionate conservatism. A new kind of man,
super-neo-liberal man hails the strong new world
order that grew out of the ashes of the old order.
We now bestride the universe!

In the time of The Red Terror that ended when our
gang of corporate suckholes got elected to power,
the public was comatose and the vast majority of
us were deeply influenced by the pretty scenarios
painted by useless, disabled pensioners. Also, the
merciless machinery of corporatism had turned
workers into solid members of the middle class,
martians were marching in the streets, the economy
was acquiring a strange green hue, and Russia was
planning to invade.

We fixed that when we mugged welfare recipients,
and by threatening with emotional blackmail, and
with the help of rabid right-wing think-tanks,
this country has been turned around. Living
standards of real-estate agents are now higher
than ever. We've left behind a period of
navel-gazing about our national identity, whatever
that means. And so, at the end of the day, the
plans of the noble patrician classes, always
frightened of the lower classes, are being amply
served.

Let us give thanks to Jesus for all the valuable
real estate we could steal from indigenous folk to
rent out to suckers, letting us run every kind of
creepy racket you can imagine, and the vulgar,
sickening, and untrue, Great Australian Dream.

However, there are new threats. Be alarmed but not
too alarmed. Public schools have not been stopped
from prowling the streets at night.

I promise you that the creeping horror caused by a
cluster of new security threats in the
twenty-first century, will not lift any time soon.
Our military will be built up to protect Israel's
interests, wherever they are, and to prevent,
unless I don't, the intrusion of a draconian kind
and level into daily life by a National ID Card.

Beyond these awesome responsibilities, I am
committed to preserving our faith in Australia as
a nuclear waste dump for other nations. You should
know that you will not be allowed to discuss that
we are overpopulating this country.

My gangster regime is ready to make the public
face whatever comes. The next challenge is a
frontal assault on Australia's lucrative urban
water problem. The strong and increasing public
preference for sewage over clean water, has proved
that I was right about public idiocy, and that our
regime can build projects of major financial
importance that the public pay for. Major floods
of public money will be streamed to the pockets of
the greasiest spivs that ever robbed a nation
blind. Success in "water management" means more
bodies in urban areas, and that means higher
residential rents, and lower wages. You must
never, ever underestimate my enormous weakness for
frenzies of arse sucking for those who seem
wealthy or powerful.

If we get these big things right, australians can
look forward to a new era of hard labour in a
police state. It is axiomatic that good economic
management is about giving ordinary corporations
the freedom and opportunity to end their fears of
losing out on some unearned income. It's about
giving hard-working media barons a good crack at
the disabled. So I would ask you to stupidly
believe that more than 1.3 million bludgers have
been removed from the statistics after I was
mistakenly put into office. The Greenies want you
to believe that this is not genuine prosperity.
Tell that to the hard working foreign investors.

Look at a few things I have delivered to the
nation. A bold new initiative, an exciting plan
for a national ID card. An exciting "shared new
adventure in tax reform" - a Goods and Services
Tax. Wages and conditions that fit in with an
asian future. Some extra belt-tightening for the
poor. Freeing the wealthy of a sense of
obligation. Goading everyone to climb the greasy
pole of futility. Goading the pensioners to try
harder. Making the elderly ashamed and remorseful.
Preserving the reputation of Australia, as a land
full of morons. Preserving the reputation of
Australia, as a tourist shithole.

I have looked, and I am pleased at what I see. The
elderly homeless now understand their obligations
to those who live in well-deserved inherited
opulence, Australia will soon join the
international brotherhood of third-world nations,
and now we see that this is evidence of good old
"rugged individualism" trying to survive under my
harsh social darwinism. These are people with
drive, who desperately attempt to climb the greasy
pole of opportunity. It is clear by now, there are
many encouraging signs to be seen.

Moving many more malingering welfare bludgers from
poverty to "mutual obligation" compulsory
volunteer teams to replace police force staff,
will continue to be a challenge for no-nonsense
government in coming years. Free-market forces
firmly insist that the genetically inferior
thriving in our fair nation, boost the fortunes of
international carpetbaggers. In wiser times I
would normally be considered a type of retarded
pig, but no-one stops me now, and I can speak
utter drivel.

The Liberal Party - the party of the transnational
corporations, has a mandate to respond to these
trends with making Australia join the
international brotherhood of third-world nations.
I will apply principles of the corporate state as
I sternly implement the cruel mockery of
poverty-based businesses, in another disgraceful
term of applied corruption.

It has taken many years of economic and social
reform to make Australia join the international
brotherhood of third-world nations. Australian
work life will now increasingly come under penal
sanctions, and we will see our powerful policing
systems look into all those little personal things
that human resources try to hide.

The burden of privatized medicine will be carried
by the users of those services, as the agents of
those services sternly suppress those personal
feelings of unease that afflict the lower classes.
Our proud new globalist economics insists that a
suitable regime of punishment is developed for
contemptible rent-paying tenants. This is
necessary, because foreign investors need
compulsory volunteer labour from the homeless. We
face the challenge of sustaining corporate
prosperity as our society ages. It seems that we
are saddled with a load of useless old cripples,
and because of this, the neo-liberal think-tanks
are now eagerly seeking a way to rid us of this
pestilence.

Surely you realize, that by your very act of
trustingly putting my party one more time into a
position of power, you have stupidly exposed
yourselves to great danger. So I am constantly
amazed that I must fight the stubborn conservative
streak in those left-wing weaklings who flinch at
my Iraq holy war for oil adventure, but let's try
to take a positive attitude and get back to
something uplifting. Of course, I'm not going to
be pushed into analyzing the detail of that
suggestion.

I will acknowledge all of these people and
institutions. Zionists. Media whores. Bankers.
Real-estate agents. Landlords. Financiers. Crooked
developers. Other national governments. Importers.
Kim Beazley.

We must briefly return to some very pressing
issues regarding globalization, and international
trade reform. Our people are a great people, but
my pack of dingoes is always eager to pick up
whatever needs to be done to reform the national
character, and australian society. The point is to
design a "to do" list of programmes to make the
plutocracy of the USA our most important
international relationship, and I will never, ever
apologize for that. My critics say that I am a
putrid social cancer, but, no matter how the cards
fall, you will carry the burden of the
growth-tumour of a magnificent, monumentally huge
foreign debt. In earlier times one would expect
that I would be exterminated by an incredulous and
mortified public, but, under the grossness and
brutality of the current regime, it is a sickening
fact, that I can be a confirmed misanthrope
without raising alarm in any quarter.

  .oOo.

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